It seems that everything i learned was a lie. The only things that held any truth were the things i learned and studied on my own. And now…….. now what?
I am not who i thought i was, i was never special; never had any abilities except for the ones i learned from my own research (which is only one), everything i’ve posted on this blog isnt real, my past, my “memories”, the shit ive talked about on kik, discord, and every other chatroom was bullshit. All of it was lie in the end, and for what? For some damn idiot on a power trip to use what i had for her own purposes.
I’ve come to find out that my own mentor had lied to me about it all, the one who mentored her has admitted to not believing in this anymore. And yet i still felt that drain, finding out that it was caused by her. Using people as batteries to fuel whatever spell or ritual us fucked up, even more so when you lie and feed people a fantasy to cover up the fact you’ve been using them for your own means. Frankly, it makes me sick, and its left me shaken to my core, to know all i was in the end was nothing. And all for what?
Now i’m back to square one, three years of research gone and compromised. All the time spent reseaching, practicing (which was barely tbh), talking about it, all to learn it was never true. Now i have to back track to the very beginning and start all over.
To be honest i rather just burn my fucking journals and forget about it all. For some reason i can’t however, whether its because im stubborn or stupid, or because of something greater or intuitive, i will never know. I dont post on this at all anyways so why should it matter, i can just delete this blog and be done with it. No one posts anymore, no one talks, so its obvious shit wasnt real on that side of things too. I guess this gonna be my last post, because i really dont see the fucking point in continuing with some bullshit ive been trying to do since highschool, and for those of you that think im trying to trash your work i only have this to say, “fuck off”. I’ve got no interest in doing so, but i’ve spent three to five fucking years of my life reasearching this shit and not a damn thing to show for it. I dont have any fucking guides, or any of the things you all brag about having, and whenever ive asked any of you to prove it most of you spin a bullshit line about how it’d get me killed for even asking (you people know damn well who you are) or that it cant happen at that time, if you’ve got something to say prove me wrong. Until then i have no reason to continue listening. I have to start all over and i dont even know where to begin.
This may as well be my last post, and i dont fucking care in the slightest.