Back to square one.

It seems that everything i learned was a lie. The only things that held any truth were the things i learned and studied on my own. And now…….. now what?

I am not who i thought i was, i was never special; never had any abilities except for the ones i learned from my own research (which is only one), everything i’ve posted on this blog isnt real, my past, my “memories”, the shit ive talked about on kik, discord, and every other chatroom was bullshit. All of it was lie in the end, and for what? For some damn idiot on a power trip to use what i had for her own purposes.

I’ve come to find out that my own mentor had lied to me about it all, the one who mentored her has admitted to not believing in this anymore. And yet i still felt that drain, finding out that it was caused by her. Using people as batteries to fuel whatever spell or ritual us fucked up, even more so when you lie and feed people a fantasy to cover up the fact you’ve been using them for your own means. Frankly, it makes me sick, and its left me shaken to my core, to know all i was in the end was nothing. And all for what?

Now i’m back to square one, three years of research gone and compromised. All the time spent reseaching, practicing (which was barely tbh), talking about it, all to learn it was never true. Now i have to back track to the very beginning and start all over.

To be honest i rather just burn my fucking journals and forget about it all. For some reason i can’t however, whether its because im stubborn or stupid, or because of something greater or intuitive, i will never know. I dont post on this at all anyways so why should it matter, i can just delete this blog and be done with it. No one posts anymore, no one talks, so its obvious shit wasnt real on that side of things too. I guess this gonna be my last post, because i really dont see the fucking point in continuing with some bullshit ive been trying to do since highschool, and for those of you that think im trying to trash your work i only have this to say, “fuck off”. I’ve got no interest in doing so, but i’ve spent three to five fucking years of my life reasearching this shit and not a damn thing to show for it. I dont have any fucking guides, or any of the things you all brag about having, and whenever ive asked any of you to prove it most of you spin a bullshit line about how it’d get me killed for even asking (you people know damn well who you are) or that it cant happen at that time, if you’ve got something to say prove me wrong. Until then i have no reason to continue listening. I have to start all over and i dont even know where to begin.

This may as well be my last post, and i dont fucking care in the slightest.

Fuck you.

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Orders orders and more orders.

Hey folks. i know, why the hell havent i been posting?

Elementary ladies and gents, i have orders to stand down until an issue im dealing with is resolved. i’ll let y’all know about it when im given my all clear. Just know my hands are tied.

Till next time ^_^

Im alive. (Yay!)

There really isnt much to post when it seems that everywhere is some sort of “spritual ground zero”, for a lack of a better phrase. Deaf and Blind lol, who knows, maybe its better that way. Well thats it for this post since i dont have much else to talk about thats ACTUALLY spirit/magick related.

Till next time.

What the hell am i doing?

To be honest i dont post at all. And as far as the kik community goes, I’m barely on there. At the time that i made this page i had the intentions of writing about any and all spiritual experiences ive had. Unfortunately my experiences are far in between.  Its always nice to read everybodies else’s posts but it causes me to feel left out and out of place since barey anything happens.

I dont actively pursue this since i really want to maintain a balannce in my life and not neglect anything, as well as working on myself to be better. At the same time i acknowledge that this is as much a part of me as everything else in my life. Maybe it wont be such a prominent aspect in my life so i can take advantage of the opportunity to become better as a person?

All in all, i feel like i may have to drop this altogether. I know its ridiculous to compare everybodies progress to mine, but when everyone around you can actually apply what theyve learned, get results, and be learned to where they have somewhat of a grasp on things, you end up wondering about what it is thats making experiences or happen, or lack thereof.

Anyways thats how i feel. I still havent reached a conclusion as to what to do but its what im thinking.

Till next time guys.

Running on zero!!!

So I’ve spent the day Running on no sleep. Why? I don’t know. Anyways it seems like everything is coming full circle. I’ve been remembering more and more about myself and found out about some research I had delved into. Crazy ideas mostly. But some are easily doable due to how are the world has advanced compared to how it was 300+ years ago. Anyways I’ll do more posts later….
Till next time y’all!

The inheritance

So after a month or more of dealing with personal business and burying a few hatchets hither and thither, and I once again take up the proverbial pen to begin writing once more.
   Today I wanted to talk about something peculiar. Abilities. Specifically those that exist strictly within family lineages. Now a few weeks ago I learned that my son had an accident in which he hurt himself and freaked out due to the pain being a sensation he never felt, mind you it was at level that he wasn’t used to so bear with me. An interesting thing was that while I was trying to help him and calm him down, my cat Loki actually tried to attack me as if I was the one hurting him. Same as a dog would protect its master (mind you I’ve heard of dogs doing this but never cats), also my son’s screams seemed to override whatever bond I had with Loki for that moment. Even after keeping Loki at a distance he would try to get close or track my movements he wouldn’t even respond after my son had calmed down Loki wouldn’t respond when I tried to pet him and would avoid me. However the next day Loki behaved as if nothing ever happened and asked for my affection as usual.
   Later on I had learned that my family has the ability to call on animals for aid, but it’s an ability that’s more passive, going active when a the person has reached a level of pain that would any animal to come to its aid regardless of who the owner is or what is going on. And its something that every generation inherits apparently.
Well……. that all I got, I know some bloggers on here that may have inherited Abilities too so yeah, if you know of any in your family comment if you wish or leave your two cents and tell me what you all think.
Till next time y’all!